My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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