he wants to bone in the snuggie
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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