U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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