I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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