i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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