You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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