First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize