i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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