this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize