i may or may not be watching the land before time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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