I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize