clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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