Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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