DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize