im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize