the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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