just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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