I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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