I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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