70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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