He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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