and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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