You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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