You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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