I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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