I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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