im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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