My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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