I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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