It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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