Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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