I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize