He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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