that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize