she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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