I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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