Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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