I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize