There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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