I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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