you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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