I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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