i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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