The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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