So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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