Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize