I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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