Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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