All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If that was your dad, he is hot
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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