Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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